Seriously Who Remembers Taproot? Yeah you do and I bet you liked them to didn't you!?

I'm finding it hard to read this afternoon, it's a bank holiday so obviously doing anything offends not only God but also RBS. Do the banks really deserve a holiday? Can't we cancel all of them this year and introduce a bankgrovel day instead? Where bankers come to our houses (if we still have them) and grovel for our forgiveness on our doorsteps and we can kick them if we want or even just smack them around a little bit. It would solve the problem of bank holiday boredom plus I would love to kick a banker in the ribs. Call me left wing but come'aaan it makes sense.

So yeah bank holidays are generally tough they're like a surprise Sunday, you think it's just going to be a normal day then you notice they're playing Bedknobs and Broomsticks on BBC1, your email inbox isn't as busy as it should be on a Monday morning, your friends who you know have real jobs are posting status on facebook about how hungover they are...something isn't right. Your first thought is that it's still Sunday and you've somehow stumbled into Groundhog Day gripped by terror you look around to see if there is anything discernibly different from yesterday, then you notice the underwear your wearing has that 3 day old pong about it so there is no way you're stuck in a time vacuum with Bill Murry. It suddenly dawns on you however that you're in a fate even worst than Groundhog Day, you are slap bang in the middle of some stupid fucking holiday and nothing you planned to do today is going to get done. There isn't even any point in getting dressed! A bank holiday is the closest you can get to purgatory without actually being Catholic or dying. If you amble to town it will be empty except for young families pushing their kids about on bikes with stabilizers and smiling a lot. If you go to the pub it will be empty because everyone got extra shitted last night just because they could and now after three nights on the raz they are confined to their beds genuinely happy that they don't have to do anything. See people think being unemployed is a doddle, it isn't, you get no routine you are shunned by society and its schedule. There is a joy in holidays that you don't get to share in, all you can do is look meekly around at those who see free time as a novelty and feel a pang of jealous rage shudder through you. It looks so simple, so serene to enjoy a bank holiday, I'm steaming with envy in all honesty. There is also an air of extended lethargy around bank holidays, at least from my experience I mean I have work to do but my work ethic has pretty much been irradicated due to the fact I'm not trying to get it done so I can do something later. I'd imagine this is very much what drowning feels like you are helpless against it. You hold your arms out and decend, let the water fill you up like you're a glass and peacefully drift away.... Only instead of water you have substandard TV schedules and instead of a corpse you become a sticky bloated mess after wolfing down three creme eggs as fast a possible (2minutes 3 seconds by the way). Although I think if you tried to do five it would virtually be a very near death exprience.

Still there you have it bank holidays are fookin' rubbish.