I have a plan, it goes something like this
1) Buy a monkey
2) take monkey out to dinner
3) Buy monkey a nice dress and some pretty shoes
4) Make monkey breakfast in bed for a week
5) Kiss it occasionally so it feels all warm and fuzzy.
6) Start leaving stuff around the place to mildly annoy the monkey
7) Watch monkey gradually deteriorate as you slip in sly comments about it's crooked nose and flabby ass (i'm just kidding my ass is tight)
8) Leave a large amount of pills, a knife and other suggestive objects in the bathroom
9) Find monkey dead on the bathroom floor after swallowing all the pills and hanging itself with its own tail.
10) Buy new monkey.
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